The Reflection Theory: Wounds That Help Or Ruin The Relationship

Have you ever thought about what happens when you form a bond with someone and then, after a while, start to see parts of their personality that you do not like? The reflection theory from Jacques Lacan has a lot to tell about this process.

According to Lacan , we construct our identity by reflecting it on others. This means that the relationships we have with others are reflections or projections of parts of our own personality, which we like or dislike.

Just as there are parts of our body or our appearance that we may not like when we look in the mirror, there are aspects of our personality that we do not want to accept. What we detest most in others are actually parts of ourselves. At least on a symbolic level. To describe it in other words – what we dislike most in others is also what we dislike most in ourselves.

We constantly project parts of ourselves. And because we do not usually see our own shortcomings – or even strengths – life gives us as a gift: relationships. The conditions show us what we have on the inside. People act as mirrors for us. They reflect us and give us the chance to see who we are.

The reflection can work in a direct or reverse way. Let’s take an example. Let’s say you can not stand how selfish your friend is. From the direct perspective, it may be that you project the selfish side of yourself, which you refuse to see.  On the other hand, from the reverse perspective, it can also be a reflection of how self-sacrificing you are. Maybe you always care about others and forget about yourself. Regardless, according to the reflection theory, this means a valuable message to yourself, if you want to get to know yourself and grow as a human being.

You may think that it is your boss who places too high demands on you. But maybe it is also you who sets the requirements for perfect results on yourself. Your boss may in this case be just a reflection of how you are towards yourself. Alternatively, you may be far too undisciplined and unstructured in your life. And we all know that balance is good.

A bandage is not a cure. When we get injured, we scream out our pain. Then we calm down and clean the wound and bandage it so that it can heal. It’s not like we bandage it and then forget about it, because we know it does not heal then. Instead, we check it from time to time, until it is finally healed.

We all have emotional injuries or wounds. The emotional wounds consist of all the emotions, emotions, thoughts and behaviors that come from painful events in our lives. Events we have not yet accepted.  We have become their prisoners. Our well-being depends on being able to transform those feelings and behaviors into wisdom and experience. According to the reflection theory, we need to let them drive us to become better people.

When we forget our wounds, they become part of our unconscious and affect our thoughts, our mood and our behavior. And on the inside, they make holes in our hearts.  And then you meet someone with the same hole, the corresponding wound, and then you create bands. The wounds are reflected, resulting in something good. But you need to be careful, because wounds like these can also tear people apart.

If the wounds are left unhealed, they will sooner or later damage the relationship. Insecurity, fear, jealousy, jealousy… It is as if life itself is trying to send you reflections to show you how you need to grow. If you do not figure out what they mean and pay attention to what they are trying to tell you, then you will not grow.

In fact, they will slow down your development and weaken your relationships.  So let’s keep the theory of reflection in mind and take advantage of the valuable information that reflections provide about ourselves. Let us pay attention – and grow.