The Importance Of Using Friendly Language With Children

Speak to me in a friendly language, without raising your voice but with the determination of someone who can convince me of all that I am capable of doing. Talk to me with a smile again. In this way, I can quickly learn that love is what rules in this world, not fear. Give me words of care whenever you can so that the language of emotions dominates as soon as possible…

Vivette Glover, a psychobiologist from the Imperial College of London, indicates that emotional education begins in the womb. This may seem a little surprising and even hard to believe. During the third trimester, the baby is very sensitive to the voices that reach it from the outside world. The amniotic fluid conducts sound well. The small fetus cannot understand the language, but it has an ability to feel the emotional charge that certain tones and words bring with them.

When we enter the world, we are bound to our mother’s voice and to the emotional world that came with that sound during the months in the womb. We are therefore not strangers in a new country. Children can already understand the great power of language. In fact, Michel Odent, the prestigious French obstetrician, reminds us that understanding the emotional world of pregnant women is as important as going for regular check-ups.

The same applies to children who are 2, 3 or 5 years old. We can give them the best. Give them good clothes, a balanced diet, toys that will boost early stimulation… But if you do not nurture them with care, confidence and trust through a language rich in emotions, they will not grow as they should. The brain will develop deficiencies and experience voids that they fill in other ways when they reach adulthood.

We recommend that you reflect on this.

Talk to me kindly, talk to me without hurting me

Words will not kill you, but they have a great potential for harm. We all know that. We have all experienced this in one way or another. But even though we are very clear about this fact, we do not care about the way we talk to our children or teenagers. Language has the power to create a certain type of architecture within the little brains. And this is something we must always keep in mind, as parents, grandparents or educators.

A bad word, a word of disgust, a “you are doing everything wrong”, “you are the dumbest person in the class” or “you are exhausting, leave me alone”. These words leave a mark on a child’s emotional world so that it creates a stage of defenselessness, stress or even childhood depression.

Experiments such as those performed at the Atlanta Speech School Center show that something as simple as using positive language promotes a more engaged language in their students. Above all, it makes them have a more positive view of themselves in order to survive.

The most complicated aspect of it all is that unfortunately not all parents are skilled when it comes to using effective and transcendental emotional language. Talking kindly requires intuition, will, time and patience. Above all, it requires that you have been healed as a woman or man in order to be a respectful parent. One that not only allows that child to grow physically, but also makes it grow in the form of self-confidence, self-esteem and emotional intelligence.

The keys to having friendly communication with children

Daniel Goleman explains in his book “Childhood Emotional Intelligence” that adults can sometimes use too much positive reinforcement to a point where it loses all its value. Children are very good at distinguishing between authenticity and exhaustion or lack of interest. 

When parents say to their 8-year-old that “Yes yes, it’s a nice drawing” without even looking down at the paper because they are in a hurry, the child does not stick to the message. It sticks to the attitude shown by the parents. Talking kindly to someone does not just mean using words. It means stopping and paying attention and knowing how to form bands.

Lovely communication has its main strategy in the same element: to know how to connect with children’s mind, emotions and brain. We will explain how.

The principles of connecting with children through emotional language

Many times, without us thinking about it, we use strategies that are not so badly pedagogical. Even if it is true that we do not always do it maliciously. We simply do not understand how they process information or what needs they have in each step of their personal development.

These are some very simple strategies to implement.

• Avoid long speeches. If you have to teach your children something, correct them and explain in a concrete way. Remember the 30-second rule. It is the maximum time a young child can stay focused.

• Giving multiple warnings is useless. Something that is very common is to have a mother and father who are very stressed on a daily basis. These parents tend to have children who take a long time to “react”. The reason for this is that they spend most of their time pushing them: hurry up, get up, get dressed, do it, do it there…
• This type of verbalization in the form of commands will never allow us to connect with our children. Children know that one command is followed by another. So for them, it is not worth obeying the first thing. That is not right. Children are not raised on the go, but with patience and closeness. Sometimes it is enough to be concrete and to have a good reason to promote a certain behavior.
• Listen to your children as they talk to you. Show them that every word they say is important to you. Let the world stay around you. There is no rush. Cultivate your patience.

• Pronounce your child’s name carefully. Do not use simple or discouraging answers when answering.

The dialogue you have with your children must awaken them, give them a dose of curiosity and discovery. It must give them a sense of consideration in order for them to develop a more secure, perfect and happy consciousness.