Shyness Is A Limiting Feeling

“What will they think of me if I explain how I really feel?”, “I hope they do not ask me, I do not want to answer it in front of all these people” or “I can not speak in front of an audience because I get too nervous Are very common expressions for people living with shyness.

To avoid enduring, to hate being at the center of events, to decline invitations to certain activities… all of these are synonymous with this limiting feeling. Shy wants us to be invisible. but what is hidden behind this feeling beyond that? Let’s dig a little deeper.

Shyness is the enemy of visibility. It is a difficult feeling that makes us hide who we really are for fear that others will not like or accept us.

According to psychologist José Pubill, a person who experiences shyness is  someone who lives in constant fear that others will discover the person’s weaknesses –  weaknesses that in principle represent who he or she is as a person.

More often than not, a person may develop this limiting feeling due to an experience where he felt uncomfortable. The people around him may have made him feel abnormal.

As a result, he now avoids appearing imperfect in front of others. The disapproval and rejection of others causes him to develop so much fear that he now protects himself from being hurt. This in turn makes him frustrated, because he feels he can not be who he wants to be.

But experiencing this limiting feeling suggests two aspects. The first is that shyness comes with feelings of guilt and fear. Furthermore, a person who experiences this feeling  turns to perfection and control  to overcome his feeling of inadequacy. But said mechanisms do nothing but hinder his personal growth.

Shyness represents a great fear of being yourself, of showing who you really are. As we said above, this restrictive feeling wants its victims to be invisible to others. The individual is afraid of criticism and does not want others to think she is useless.

Therefore, shyness suggests that one suffers from a lack of self-respect and tolerance, which can ultimately impair self-esteem.

Shame envelops the person in a negative and self-destructive shield. This explains why the people around can see them as fragile and weak. We must note that a shy person does not like to be seen in this way. She actually wants to avoid showing her weaknesses. But the fear of humiliation is so great that she decides to just harden out.

To be shy is not to feel comfortable in one’s skin. It is to go on a path of self-hatred. This does not allow the individual to take control of their own destiny and realize how valuable she actually is.

Those who experience this limiting feeling put their self-worth in the hands of others. The reason for this is that they can only see who they are through the eyes of others. They live their lives through the opinions of other people. Anxiety goes hand in hand with shyness  because the individual is always worried about not fitting in.

Although this feeling is considered very complex, it is possible to make it disappear. How can we fight it? Or what can we do to become visible and value ourselves?

The first step is to acknowledge and accept that you feel shy. Then you should  reflect on its consequences,  on how much it affects your life, limits you and prevents you from doing things you want.

If you do it sincerely, you will realize that you have become invisible to your own eyes and that you value yourself according to a scale if established by others. You need to stop doing that and instead focus on moving forward in the direction you want, no matter what others think.

Get to know yourself

The next step is to  get to know yourself. You need to connect with the deepest part of your being and first why you are who you are. Do not be afraid to make yourself visible.

This is not the easiest thing to do, especially if you have been hiding your true self for a long time. The good news is that it’s never too late to give yourself a chance to become your own best friend.

Finding out  what  situation made you like this is also helpful. The starting point can lead you to understand the depth of your wound, which is nothing more than believing that you have let down the people around you.

A very powerful exercise is to see yourself in the mirror without thinking about what others think of you. What do you see? Who are you? What are your traits? What do you need?

Free yourself

The idea is that you should free yourself from expectations, from the mental traps that prevent you from being your authentic self. You are not better or worse than anyone else. Comparing yourself to others will never give you confirmation.

In some cases, we can get angry at the person if made us feel this way in the first place. You should try to let go of all that  by writing about your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Even better is to write a letter to the person where you say everything you always wanted to say.

This exercise will allow you to relive the embarrassing moment and remember exactly how you felt, so that you can let go of all these negative emotions.

As you can see, it is complicated to feel shy. This limiting feeling makes us slaves to other people’s expectations, people who hate us, and eventually our invisibility. That’s why it’s so important to learn to reconnect with yourself.