Rebecca Syndrome: Jealousy Of Your Partner’s Ex

Does your blood start to boil when you think of your partner’s old love? Do you not think that his or her previous love affair was healthy, but even when someone remembers it bothers you? Are you comparing yourself to your current partner’s ex? In psychology, this is called “Rebecca syndrome”. Why?

Rebecca is a short story by Daphne du Maurier published in 1938. It tells the story of a woman who married a widower. Everything is fantastic until Rebecca’s ghost, the man’s deceased wife, shows up. The spirit continually begins to talk to the husband about divorcing his wife. In addition to being scary, the ghost manages to make the man unsure about his decision to start a new family, which leads to conflicts.

Rebecca tells her ex-husband, Maxim, that the “new girl” will never be good enough. That everyone talks about her behind her back, that no one likes her, that she is not good enough for him, etc. The book became a bestseller when it was released and interpreted on the radio by the ingenious Orson Welles. It was also adapted to the white canvas by the fantastic Alfred Hitchcock.

Rebecca syndrome

Based on the novel , psychologists define those with “Rebecca syndrome” as people who feel pathologically jealous of their current partners’ ex. Just like in the book, jealousy is a ghost that haunts you when you are confronted with the memory of your current partner’s ex.

It may sound a little strange or difficult to understand, but it happens more often than you think. People suffering from Rebecca Syndrome strive to learn all about their partners’ exes, in order to discover something bad. In this way, it feels as if three people share the same bed instead of it being a relationship consisting of two people, as it should be.

This is a huge problem for the development and functionality of the couple because unfounded jealousy can affect a person’s normal behavior. In this case, the one who is jealous is not the only one who suffers, but also his partner.

How to overcome jealousy

First you have to learn to live with the ghost. Accept the fact that your partner has had previous love affairs. Furthermore, you must understand that jealousy is a clear sign of uncertainty and a reaction to a perceived threat, which may or may not exist.

Jealousy can also appear when someone looks at their partner as their property. Anything that distracts the partner’s attention – whether it’s a person, an object, an animal or a task – is perceived as an attack. When it comes to just ex, you have to remember that their story is a part of the past, and that you also have a past.

It is impossible not to compare ourselves. We do it all the time. We look at a photo of our partner’s ex and start thinking: “She is so ugly”, “She could have dressed better” or the exact opposite; “Look how cute she is,” “She’s so elegant.” If we suffer from pathological jealousy, it does not matter what the photo shows; we will always perceive the person as a threat and react badly to this.

If you think you have some Rebecca Syndrome in you, if you can not stop thinking about your partner’s ex, it’s time to do something to improve your self-esteem. It does not matter how important that person was to your partner. Remember it is the past, and it should not come between the two of you now.

The only thing you will achieve with this attitude is to put the relationship at stake. Try not to compare yourself with these items, because you will only suffer if you do. There will always be things they did better and worse, but do not become obsessed with this.