How To Leave A Toxic Relationship
Toxic love relationships. They begin every day, around the world, at all ages and all walks of life. Almost unknowingly, we end up in situations where our rights as human beings are constantly violated.
The right to choose, to be ourselves, to live with integrity and happiness. But why is this happening? The truth is that there is no manual with perfect instructions that answers every question when it comes to love. To fall in love is to be swept away by a series of emotions so intense that it sometimes becomes very difficult to maintain one’s balance and perspective.
It is also very common for the same person to put themselves in more than one toxic relationship during their lifetime. Does this mean, for example, that some people may have a “victim profile”? A person who is easy to manipulate?
The truth is that we can not confirm this hypothesis. Not at all. Nor should we always see the toxic person as a “male role”, nor the victim as a “female role”. The manipulator, the person who convinces, punishes and abuses, can easily fall into both the male and female categories. It is important that we keep this in mind, despite the fact that it is undoubtedly more common for women to be the targets of physical and mental abuse.
It is therefore important that we understand what measures we should take to leave a toxic relationship and move on. For our general well-being and for our emotional health.
It is possible that you know someone in your circle of acquaintances who is currently in a toxic relationship. You may be well aware of this fact, but it is not he or she; the person does not see what you see. And no matter how much you try to show him that these experiences are far from normal, the person in question refuses to acknowledge this fact.
Why does this happen? Basically because of the following:
- We believe that our partner can change. That what he goes through is temporary and that because he loves us sooner or later will behave better. We thus create an “idealized” image of the other person that does not correspond to reality.
- The person being manipulated often has very low self-esteem. It is possible that the person was strong-willed and confident before he or she began the toxic relationship. But over time, the person has become vulnerable and deeply hurt. It ends with the person believing that this is how he or she must live.
- We regularly fall for blackmail. The person may have humiliated you and made you cry yesterday, but today he apologizes with tears in his eyes, and you feel that you can only turn your back on…
- Fear of loneliness, abandonment or rejection. Even though we live in a toxic relationship, we believe that it is better to feel “this way” than to be alone. This is something that happens often, although it may sound surprising.
- Fear of the consequences of leaving the toxic person. There is usually a fear of how the other person will react, and there may even be a violent component to consider.
1. Be aware. You cannot overcome a problem if you do not first realize that there is a “wall” in your life. You have to keep that in mind, because love is the biggest contributing factor to us being blinded. Sometimes love can be so blind and unconditional that it is difficult to accept that it deprives us of our rights and our integrity.
2. Say no to fear. Fear is the biggest obstacle we have to overcome. If you do not feel strong enough to do it alone, ask for help. Whether it comes from a friend, colleague, family member who supports you, social services or a healthcare professional. We understand that each couple has its own special universe. It may be that your partner is not violent, but despite that you are afraid of the idea of being alone. Loneliness, however, is preferable in these types of relationships.
3. Invest all your energy in yourself. You’ve spent way too much time taking care of another person. You have been like a small satellite orbiting a planet that has contributed nothing to you. It’s time to move on, find your own horizon and find new illusions and dreams that are your own, which is something we all deserve.
Leaving a toxic relationship is possible, but it requires courage and good self-esteem. We are all capable of success – it is within reach. It is up to you whether you want to take the chance to turn the key and open a door that leads to newfound happiness.
Pictures from Viaska, John Cotmann.
