Forgiving Means Letting Go Of Your Bitterness

To forgive means more than just saying “I forgive you”. It is about much more than regaining a relationship that has been lost. It means more than forgetting the act that caused grief at some point in our lives. When we truly forgive someone, we create peace with our own ego. We feel perfect and free because the bitterness has disappeared forever.

To truly forgive someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things a person can do. It requires a great deal of emotional strength and courage that not everyone has.

When we have been hurt by someone, whether physically or emotionally, we enter a stage of anger. Anger can be a useful emotion if we want to protect ourselves from a threat, but it is pointless when the threat is no longer there.

Prolonged anger slowly poisons us. It fills us with rage and hatred, a thirst for revenge, all of which are completely negative emotions. They will not erase the past and will not earn anything in the future.

To forgive in a rational way

To free ourselves from negative emotions, such as rage, we can use the power of our thoughts and ideas. In this way we take control of our senses. Thinking in a rational way implies that one does not allow oneself to be drawn by impulses or by the imagination. This means that you do not exaggerate to dramatize facts and that you do not use “you should have”.

When we are guided by our anger, we assume that other people should have behaved in a certain way. We are therefore not able to forgive them properly.

The truth is that everyone is free to behave according to their own criteria, not ours, whether we like it or not. Accepting this reality and being able to hear it without too much negativity will finally allow us to forgive those who have hurt us.

In order to free ourselves from this heavy feeling of bitterness, revenge and sadness, we should keep in mind that no one is perfect. Not the people who have hurt us and not ourselves. It is normal for people to make mistakes, get confused and behave in an intuitive way. This is because our emotional side comes from the most primitive part of our brain.

Even if the injury affects us, the anger will not change this fact. It will only end up with us having two problems. First, the very damage we have suffered due to the other person’s actions. Secondly, the anger we cause ourselves, which only creates even more pain.

Another rational thought that can help us is the idea that no one can make us suffer without our consent. This may sound strange, but it’s true. If you know who you are, have a balanced self-esteem and a good head on your shoulders, it will be impossible for anyone to hurt you. At least not through words or actions that do not involve physical harm.

An insult can only hurt me if I tell myself that the other person should not insult me. Or if I “buy” that person’s insult. If it ends with me believing in the insult and accepting it as my own. That’s when I open the door for what causes me pain.

You may think this is a very difficult thing to achieve, and it’s true. No one teaches us to think this way. Instead, we learn how to protect our dignity with all our strength, how to make our egos shine as if each of us were the most important person on the planet.

In the end, this will go badly, because we are the ones who suffer on an emotional level. And if we stop to think about this, we will see that it is not worth it at all, because we will never get anything from this. Anger at another person never has any practical use.

How can I know if I have really forgiven?

Even though it is really hard to forgive and requires a lot of courage, we can all do it. The rational thoughts we have discussed above are only the beginning, but it does not end there. To be able to forgive, you have to grow and connect to the things you say to yourself.

You have been able to forgive if you feel any of the following points within you:

• You do not think the other person is a bad person. To you, the person is just confused. You know that people have a good nature. They want to cooperate and not compete, but these societies, which are so artificial, teach us other things. And this can confuse us. Every person can fail at some point in life, because it is normal for that to happen. When you can admit this, you have definitely forgiven another person. It has now also removed the negative feeling.

• You have accepted what the other person did. You tolerate, accept and are aware that life is not perfect and that people are even less perfect. You must therefore accept that there are situations, actions and facts that you will not like. In fact, they may even go against what you believe. This is a part of life, and if we see it this way, it will not hurt us. It’s uncomfortable as not everything goes the way you want, but it’s not the end of the world.
• You do not feel anger or rage when you see the other person. You would instead want to help him or wish him good luck in life.

If your thoughts have more to do with thought than anger, then you have succeeded in forgiving for good. You just wish that person the best. You really want him to have a good life and for him to fix his behavior. In fact, you do not consider it to be more than a sign of the misfortune he is carrying on his shoulders.

Forgiveness is not an easy mental task. It often comes as a form of triumph in the fierce battles against negative emotions. But by doing so, you will be the first to benefit. You can now stop suffering mentally over something that has already happened. By doing so, you release the weight that we all carry with us for no reason.