Do You Suffer From Experiential Avoidance?

The classifications for psychological disorders and their treatments are constantly changing. A model of third-wave therapy called  Acceptance and Devotional Therapy states that much of the psychological suffering is caused by experiential avoidance.

There are many examples of experiential avoidance; it often occurs in situations that the person with this disorder sees as undesirable. Therefore, he tries to avoid dealing with it by fleeing or avoiding it.

But  not wanting to deal with discomfort or wanting to flee instead of accepting it is not a nuisance. It is actually a completely normal answer we say in all types of animals. The disorder occurs when you have stiff thoughts, such as:

• “I have to feel good to do things”
• “My work makes me unhappy”
• “I can not be nervous, this must stop”

All of these are sources of discomfort that do not give you any breaks.

The factors that determine whether you suffer from experiential avoidance are:

• To constantly feel overwhelmed by  thoughts and feelings that revolve around “feeling bad”, “being sad” or “fighting to feel good”.
• Your mind is constantly bombarding you with thoughts that fight against discomfort, uncertainty or doubt.
• To spend a large part of the day controlling these thoughts.
• Your daily life revolves around “getting rid of the discomfort” before you can get your life back. You begin to feel that you can do nothing. This feeling will increase until these thoughts disappear.
• You wait until you feel good before doing things you value (going to the park with the kids, spending time with friends or walking on the beach).

The root of experiential avoidance is to be psychologically inflexible when dealing with discomfort; whether it expresses itself as avoidance or escape. This inability to adapt is what causes experiential avoidance. The lives of people who are affected revolve around avoiding painful thoughts or feelings.

Being psychologically inflexible means that the person shields himself from painful thoughts, feelings or memories. He is not flexible and will continue with daily activities in order to become more prosperous; this regardless of whether there are one or many sources of discomfort.

These people have the perception that they must “feel good” before they can enjoy something.

When someone has  pre-existing psychological problems, such as anxiety or depression, this inability to be flexible has negative consequences. Not accepting the discomfort of anxiety or depression, and trying to get rid of it to get on with life has two consequences:

• Basing life around the discomfort and trying to control it only makes it worse. We must remember that our minds never stop spinning. It is like a cauldron on top of an eternal fire. If you try to stop thinking about grief and anxiety, you will only use more of this thought as fuel for the fire.
• Making your daily life a struggle against discomfort reduces the encouragement and rewards you can “strive for”. You will have fewer activities that give you well-being. You will also neglect your interpersonal relationships and isolate yourself inside the discomfort.

We live in a society that advocates well-being, enjoyment and keeping suffering as far away as possible. We do not look with gentle eyes on crying, being sad and feelings of anxiety. So when you experience these feelings, you start fighting them.

The more “feeling good” becomes the main, central element of your life, the deeper you fall into its trap. Looking for a perfect sense of well-being is what makes you so alert. You focus on the negative emotions that are actually normal and have an adaptive purpose.

By worrying about whether you are really feeling good or bad, you end up picking on all the unpleasant psychological experiences. It is you who gives them such weight. By trying to push away these negative psychological experiences (thoughts and feelings) you make them stronger.

At a social level, the consequences of experiential avoidance are extremely important. You wait to feel good before going to the movies, spending time with friends, resuming your studies, going on a date and an endless list of other things.

You develop habits to try to avoid unpleasant psychological experiences. And as the months and years go by, your life revolves entirely around avoidance.

This is how you can become a true expert on what you do not want. You base everything you want based on keeping what you are trying to avoid away. Your identity and your forecasts for the future will eventually be very weak.

Experiential avoidance does nothing but aggravate the symptoms associated with discomfort and worsen your emotional life.

That is why Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, developed to overcome experiential avoidance, revolves around accepting discomfort. It is also about establishing goals based on personal values.

First, you can find the solution to this disorder in acceptance. It involves unconditional, non-judgmental observation of your psychological experiences, such as thoughts and feelings.

Acceptance and devotional therapy use different strategies, such as mindfulness, cognitive separation, and therapeutic metaphors, to achieve this goal.

Furthermore  , the treatment of experiential avoidance emphasizes the importance of personal values ​​in the face of emotions. That’s where the word ‘devotion’ comes from in this therapy. It tries to get you to be devoted to your values; it tries to dismiss the fight against discomfort.

Fighting this ailment is a difficult and arduous journey. But it’s something you have to do to get out of pitfalls and inflexible beliefs. These are the things you use to try to feel good, but which ultimately make you feel worse.

Centering your life around personal values ​​and accepting the discomfort that is a part of life, will make you feel freer and happier.