A Letter From A Part Of Me That No One Knows

There are 10% of me that you will never get to know. You can work as hard as you want, but you will never see this part of me. There are actually 5% of me, or even more, that not even I will get to know.

The fact that you do not know this part of me does not mean that it is bad or perverse, or that it lacks emotion and empathy. It will simply never seem logical or rational to you; you will never be able to predict it.

Forgive me if I sometimes laugh when you try to access it and you get frustrated; the thing is that I get the feeling that you are a small child trying to reach a wrapped gift on the top shelf… or someone who in every possible way tries to find the right piece of the puzzle to put in place, when the only one who fits has hidden under the tablecloth.

Yes I understand. You’re afraid this part of me will make you suffer. Since I know this part myself, I can tell you that you do not have to worry, because it will not. I want you to take that risk. I can not force you, only express my desire because I strongly believe that if you take that risk, you will feel the best part of me.

It is an unpredictable part of me that can hurt you, but it is also one of the important reasons why I am myself. That’s the part that surprises you, and it makes me a Waldo in a world of people who are more alike than different.

My promise is to help you live with it, something I may not have been very good at… but what is certain is that no one is born with the knowledge, and as I already said you are so in love with me when you make a fuss about the wrapped package .

You have a lot to say about my life, but let me have the last word, even when you disagree; let me choose who I have relationships with and the way I do this. Let yourself love me as I am or as I will be, and not as a shadow of what I am or will be.

Do not try to make me fit into a shape, because there is no shape for me. You will need to build it, and even then the edges will never really fit.

Do not ask yourself whether I am normal or not. I can tell you that I am not; that I do not fit into your pattern for a normal person, just as I do not fit into someone else’s pattern for a normal person.

Do not claim that it is your right to sniff out the 10% you do not know, because the only thing that will happen is that they will remain silent and hidden. And those five percent… is a tiny fraction, even if you do not know how to imagine it because you can only see its edges. Continue playing in the rest of the house. It’s not worth losing a minute of your life trying to find out what none of us know. In exchange, I strongly believe that what we have imagined together is worth more than anything else in the world.

So in a way, I ask you to be compliant, to let me be kept with my ignorance, so that together and without agitation we can begin to ask each other questions… And as a ray of hope, you can imagine that the last thing that fell from the shelf you could not reach is this letter, written to you by a person who loves you…