To Live To Be Happy, Not Normal
As we shape our lives, we repeat patterns set by others, as if we will be able to enjoy instant happiness by following them. But is it really true? Cultural and social pressure has led us to believe that we will find stability in what is conventional, which in turn will give us well-being. But the truth is that one should live to be happy, not normal.
Many studies on happiness have found that by spending time with positive, grateful and enthusiastic people who participate in unusual activities can promote their well-being. Their positivity is contagious.
Doing extraordinary things gives us special energy, it allows us to see life through a more restful lens and discover new things that we are good at. The most coveted treasure of this age is happiness. But we may be looking for it the wrong way. Copying and repeating others’ goals without adjusting them can lead to frustration.
Paradoxically, obsession with happiness can make us less happy. A study by June Gruber – a psychology professor at Yale University – suggests that constant thoughts about how to be happy actually cause anxiety.
This happens when those who seek happiness believe that every method of finding happiness will work for them. It happens even when the steps in a plan for happiness do not give excellent results.
So instead of fighting hard to be happy, we should try to be genuine. Genuine people by definition have good self-esteem. Authenticity and originality are real and reliable. We should stop following the path we have trodden and create our own path.
It will be harder in the beginning, but then much easier because we have everything we look back on to do with us. We find ourselves in one of the memories we have saved.
In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, researchers in the UK observed a correlation between authentic personalities and a genuine sense of life. They found that people who expressed a high sense of authenticity also maintained higher levels of self-esteem and well-being.
Authentic people not only take the time to reflect on their perspective and the experiences that make them happy; they also share them with others. And most of them do so with happy attitudes that break down the defenses of individuals with hard shells.
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar – a professor at Harvard University and an expert in positive psychology – believes that happiness can be learned. In the same way that someone learns to play tennis or ski: with technique and practice. Among his advice for finding happiness and well-being, we find some unusual strategies.
One of the most important of all these recommendations is to celebrate failures. Few people celebrate their failures; instead, we scold ourselves when we fail at something. Ben-Shahar suggests that if we accept our negative emotions, we will be able to open ourselves up to positivity and joy.
Not knowing how to forgive yourself is linked to ailments such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.
Another common factor that takes us further away from happiness in this society has a lot to do with the confusion regarding well-being and money. Many people want the first, but spend all their time on the second. They forget that happiness depends on our mental state, not our bank balance.
So make sure to live to be happy…
Main image from Mariana Kalacheva.
