When Parents Use Debt As An Upbringing

There are still many parents who defend debt as a method of upbringing. They believe that rewards and punishments, the carrot and the whip, are the basis of a proper upbringing. First of all: they are not wrong. The method is historically confirmed effective, especially at an early age. However, it is necessary to understand that this is one of many, many steps along the way, one that will become obsolete as the child develops.

Feelings of guilt lead to emotional anxiety. An anxiety that arises through symbolic and social punishment. However, it does not lead to responsibility, it does not promote autonomy, nor does it allow an individual to make decisions about which values ​​are worth following or not. Using indebtedness as the upbringing of a child does not educate them, it only conditions them.

It is true that the use of debt increases control over a child. This facilitates the work of an authoritarian parent. The child is filled with fear and moral compulsion, which makes it more manageable. The child follows easier instructions because it is established as the weaker party. It stays within the framework because the fear is too strong. The child becomes a docile person, but not a free and happy person.

Debt as an upbringing shatters a child’s self-esteem

Children need guidance, and parents should offer it within a framework that allows them to strengthen themselves. Using debt management to bring up a child does the opposite. Guilt leads them to believe that what they are doing, feeling, wanting and thinking is unacceptable.

Let’s look at an example to better understand it. The child does not want to eat vegetables because they have a bitter taste that the child does not like. From a debt consolidation perspective, the parent orders the child to simply eat their vegetables without complaining. From a perspective that aims to strengthen the child, the parent points out that all great and tall world champions eat vegetables because they give them great power.

No child acts knowingly to offend his parents. On the contrary, they act to please them and make them feel proud. Their moral immaturity is what prevents them from conforming to various regulations and norms. Parents need to help them understand why these standards exist and where they come from.

Debt settlement prevents the development of the conscience

Raising a child does not just mean teaching them to follow rules but researching. Debt settlement leads to blind obedience. It makes children believe that they must behave exactly as the authority figures dictate. In addition, it makes them believe that all rules are indisputable and that violating them is immoral.

What parents achieve through this is only to mark a break between what they want and what they have to do. The problem with this is that it impairs children’s critical ability. Thus, there is no real development of conscience within their behavior.

The conscience develops through an individual being able to choose how he or she should behave. If someone has a well-developed conscience, this person is more difficult to manipulate, suppress and use for their own purposes. On the other hand, it can be speculated that if an individual is conditioned by indebtedness, he or she will never reach the point where they rationalize their values. The individual becomes dependent on an approval from his authority figure to confirm his actions.

Raising children without shame

People are egocentric at birth. For a small child or an infant, it is impossible to see the world beyond its own needs. At this stage, the parents must meet these needs and help the child feel that they are in a safe environment. This will build trust and confidence.

With weaning and potty training, a long road to the introduction of a normative framework within the surrounding culture begins . It is obvious that limitations create frustration and thus feelings of rejection. It is difficult for children to understand that they are not the center of their world. This generates issues that should not under any circumstances lead to indebtedness from the parents.

During the long human upbringing process, the very best thing a parent can do is teach their children to understand the consequences of their actions. Therefore, it is important that parents also teach them to understand their feelings, desires, boundaries and the reasoning behind them. The margin for how to make their choices and how to make their decisions must escalate gradually. There is no such thing as a perfect upbringing, but parents’ intentions can be helped by a well-thought-out thought.