Are You In A Toxic Relationship?
If you have ever been in the storm of a toxic relationship, you probably know what we are going to talk about in this article. We will first try to define what a toxic relationship is and what it implies for the lives of those who suffer from it.
Of course, toxic relationships do not only affect love relationships. These can be relationships we have with a family member or friend. But in this article, we will establish the boundaries of the subject and limit them to a toxic relationship of the kind of love.
A toxic relationship always has something that “justifies it” for us
It is a kind of union that is maintained with someone from whom we cannot escape. It is a union that is very strong, intense and destructive at the same time. We lose ourselves in it, and we become someone we are not. We try to stay in it, even when it implies that it harms us, or that it implies the loss of our self-love.
If we are involved in such a relationship, it is because it logically has a great advantage, or because it contains something that we are not ready to give up yet. A powerful advantage that is sufficient to prevent us from ending the relationship. But if we can look at this from a perspective that allows us to see the whole picture, then we can establish something important. The toxicity that this relationship brings into our lives should cause us to modify the relationship or end it.
Behind this type of relationship, there is the same mechanism that keeps addictions going. That’s why it’s so hard to escape from it. And the more time of our lives we invest in this, the harder it will be for us to get out of it. We may not see it now, but it is possible and rewarding to get out of it, just as it is to quit smoking or get out of a drug addiction.
I can regain my lost responsibility and act accordingly
We generally tend to blame the other person. “He’s the poison”, She is the poison, not me “,” I have given him too many opportunities and he can not change. I do not know what else to do ”. There may be nothing left to do… perhaps the healthiest and best thing is to end the relationship. Do not insist on reviving a relationship that no longer has a pulse. A heart that no longer sends oxygenated blood.
Getting out of a toxic relationship requires a lot of effort
A popular wisdom says: “Do not ask for the impossible” . We cannot ask someone to be something they are not. Enough time has passed and we should know this. How much of our lives do we have to lose for this, which is detrimental to our mental and emotional health ?! How many opportunities do you have to give to learn ?! “Maybe I should wait a little longer, he needs more time…”
And along the way, we separate from ourselves. We lose ourselves. We stop loving ourselves. We offer our lives to this type of parenthesis where the other person loosens his knots. And until he has done this, we will not give up. And what about what we deserve? Our needs?
That is why it takes a lot of effort to get out of this type of relationship. We should first of all realize that we have no power over the other person (a very common perception among many people is: “I will make him change”).
It also makes you aware of the effort spent on an impossible mission. It transforms it into an effort of effort in order to take care of ourselves so as not to fall into a relationship that was meant to fail.
Blaming the other person is not useful if we stay with him
We can not spend our lives blaming the other person for how he is, as it is we ourselves who choose that person over and over again as our partner. (We are talking about a toxic relationship. Not about a healthy relationship, which, like all relationships, has its ups and downs.)
Self-love begins with listening to oneself with honesty
We talk about taking responsibility for our decisions and choices. If we know that someone is harmful to our health, we must stay away from that person. Like a child who is allergic to peanuts because he feels bad when he eats them.
In a toxic relationship, something similar occurs. But sometimes our internal radar is so destroyed that we can not see beyond how passionate and almost mysterious this love is. The child feels bad but… how are we? We must listen carefully and be aware of the situations we experience in order to realize the damage.
I am aware of my share of responsibility and I choose to run away from what hurts me. I therefore get more power. I give back to myself some of the power I have given to another person. I will therefore eventually recover. I choose myself.
