When People Hurt Your Feelings: The Importance Of Emotional Expression

If people often or severely hurt your feelings and you do not react, you will slowly but surely break down. Being strong is not about being more resistant, quiet or holding on to what you feel. Being strong is about giving yourself permission to let go of an emotional expression and set boundaries.

This is not always easy, but taking care of and protecting your emotions is a hygienic and healthy activity. You often hear about how there is nothing more difficult than being an adult. It consists of reaching the stage in life where things like work, finances, family and personal fulfillment are suddenly aspects one has to juggle.

But we often forget that the most relevant things in a person’s life take place during childhood and adolescence. During these early stages, we get to take part in the most valuable lessons and developments. One of these developments undoubtedly has to do with emotional skills.

Think about it. During your childhood, did you learn to distinguish between an emotion and an emotion? Did you learn  to be more determined by someone? Or recognizing your emotional needs as well as knowing how to communicate them effectively?

The truth is that these lessons do not always necessarily take place. That is why so many people reach adulthood and get a little lost. They are vulnerable and very sensitive to the dynamics of the environment, which is not always easy.

At this stage, even the most important person in your life may be one of the people who hurts your feelings. What can be done in these situations?

When others hurt your feelings: keys to being determined

When others hurt your feelings, you usually react in two ways. Either by being quiet or by responding immediately based on anger or rage.

But what happens when the people who cross this line are people close to you? For example, your partner, a friend or even your boss. Then everything gets a little more complicated.

In these situations, it can feel more reluctant. Obviously the person has hurt your feelings, but how should you deal with it? How do you get the courage to say something? How can you tell the person that he has hurt you? And how can you do that without losing your composure and being aggressive, while being clear enough?

For this  , emotional communication is undoubtedly  the most important issue you need to work on. Therefore, here are some keys that can help you.

Explain the feelings you feel to be able to defend yourself firmly

Antonio Damasio – the famous neuropsychologist – published a study in the journal  Nature in  which he reminds us of the importance of being able to distinguish between an emotion and a feeling. To begin with, an  emotion is a whole collection of chemical and nervous responses that you experience thanks to a stimulus.

• First, the body feels the bang from something that changes your homeostasis, your inner balance.
• Furthermore, the mind translates this emotion into an emotion. When you can not translate what you know into thoughts, a feeling arises.

So what does this mean when someone offends or criticizes you?

People have an obligation to interpret the emotions they feel. So when you feel that knot in your stomach, when your heart beats faster or when your chest starts to burn, stop and translate. Do not silence them. Do not tell yourself that it is nothing. Take your time and make an effort to put a name to what you feel – identify and sort out your emotions.

“I feel”: the courage to announce your feelings through determined communication

Once you have given a name to the feelings within you (humiliation, upset, pain, disappointment, sadness, betrayal, etc.) the next step is to communicate. For this, you need to remember a personal pronoun called “I”.

You may not be used to starting your sentences with this pronoun,  but it is very necessary for determined and emotional communication. So when people hurt your feelings, do not hesitate to say something along the lines of the following:

• “ I feel humiliated that you made that comment. You may have done it without thinking, but I ask you to keep this in mind and not repeat it. ”

• “I feel that you have disappointed me with the decisions you have made. You have not taken me into account and you have not asked for my opinion. “

When people hurt your feelings, ask for emotional responsibility

If people hurt your feelings, you need to keep the following in mind:  Defend yourself. Prepare and lay the foundation for something similar to never happen again. To this end  , you will invite the other person to exercise emotional responsibility with you. What does that mean? Basically the following:

• First, you need to establish an agreement on emotional responsibility with yourself. If people hurt your feelings, that responsibility belongs to the other person. But if the person does it again and you have defended yourself, the responsibility lies with you. However, that responsibility does not mean that it is your fault.

• Furthermore, you need to make the other person aware of her attitude. You need to make her understand that all types of relationships require respect and responsibility. What happened must not be repeated. Both parties will learn from this event and will strive for more empathetic, human and meaningful interactions.

Finally, we would like to point out one aspect: these processes take time. Learning to be determined and manage your emotions to communicate effectively is something you will achieve through practice. Therefore , do not forget to use these strategies if people hurt your feelings. You will notice the difference in your relationships.