Learned Helplessness: A Hopeless, Deep Hole
Learned helplessness is one of the worst holes we can fall into. It is the perfect breeding ground for anxiety and depression. In fact, it is both a consequence and a cause of lack of determination (why cause conflict by expressing our opinion if it still does not lead to anything?).
It makes us empty bodies with dead souls. This condition can be summed up as “no matter what you do, it will be wrong” or “no matter what you do, it does not matter, it will not change anything. The result will be the same ”.
And this is where learned helplessness arises. Helplessness we learned as a result of having tried to behave in different ways, but seen that it does not affect the results. Therefore, we have no motivation to respond to our situation.
Maybe you have found yourself in this type of situation. At work or in a relationship for example. In an environment where there is another person judging whether what you are doing is right or wrong.
It’s not rational, it’s not consistent. Whatever you do, whatever it is, will almost always be wrong, and the times when it’s not wrong you will have no idea why. So you can not repeat it, no matter how hard you try.
Somehow we hear behind this contradictory attitude something like “I am the one who judges what you do; I set the rules ”. People who cause learned helplessness in others are those who make value judgments without explanation because they have influence over them.
So what lessons can a person learn when he receives this type of treatment? That it is not worth the effort because the result is random. The feeling is that no matter what he does, he cannot control the outcome.
The lack of control over what happens is difficult and very limiting. Because we seemingly can do nothing about it. This is often the start of emotional abuse. “I decide how you feel. You do not decide. I’m in control, not you. ”
Martin Seligman discovered the phenomenon in the 70s. In an experiment that could not be performed today due to its ethical implications, Seligman discovered that dogs subjected to electric shocks, whether they tried to escape or not, adopted a passive attitude towards them. They found themselves suffering in silence.
This phenomenon was quickly linked to the causes and attitudes of many people who have fallen into the abyss of depression. Anxiety, depression, the absolute lack of motivation begin to control the person’s attitude and behavior. In the end, this becomes completely passive.
If an opportunity to change the situation arises, he will therefore not see it, but let it pass. His faith and hope have disappeared because he feels that no matter what he does, no matter what direction he chooses, he will still not get the results he wants.
This psychological phenomenon is very powerful because it totally hijacks our ability to act. It steals our creativity to see alternatives and solve problems. It makes us blind to the solutions to our problems. It is extremely difficult to escape from this destructive place.
Many people feel unable to leave a situation that hurts them. They are totally affected by the helplessness they have learned. Helplessness is a condition that takes over thoughts, behaviors and emotions.
To break this growing, downward spiral, one must get to the root of the problem. We can not stay on the surface. Telling someone to leave the jail they are in and saying “how can you not see?” Does not help.
They do not want to feel this way; they are not looking for it. Therefore, they must understand how they ended up here. How did they lose control of what was happening to them? The solution is to give them power; give them back control of their own lives.
A control that was lost a long time ago, stolen by the person who treated them badly. They just need help getting it back. Understanding what has happened and accepting it is the first step on this path.
