How To Address Something In A Positive Way In Your Relationship
When you bring something up, how you say it is often more important than what you say. Being able to communicate correctly is not an easy task. We need to bring together words, expressions, feelings, attitudes, etc. In fact, when it comes to someone you are dating or a partner, it is even more difficult. Do you know how to address something in a positive way in your relationship?
“Communication” is a psychological specialty. There are psychologists who are concerned with improving their patients’ communication skills and understanding how the media affects our daily lives.
Communication has been studied so much that we now have one thing clear to us concerning this: b ra communication skills are very important in every aspect of our daily lives, but if there is one aspect which is as important as it is in our relationships.
Knowing how to deal with your partner in a positive way can help you get through conflicts and learn from them. Therefore, today we will address eight important strategies for positive communication in your relationship.
When you discuss something with your partner in a positive way, you need to find the right moment. That means you need privacy, silence and attention.
Sometimes we spend only a small part of the morning, afternoon or evening together. There are thousands of things to do and you are both tired. Remember this is not the best time to bring something up.
Decide how urgent the problem is and whether it can wait or not. It is always best to look for an opening when your partner is free, when you are both calm and when there are no distractions.
There is nothing more uncomfortable than trying to explain or understand something, after which someone interrupts. So no phone, kids, TV or music. You must have the person’s attention 100%. Of course, your level of attention should be just as high.
It is very important that your body conveys calm and that you are not on the alert or defensive when you bring up something in the relationship.
It is normal to be nervous or uncomfortable if you are going to talk about something important. But try to keep yourself under control and think about certain details. It can be to have an open posture, not to cross your arms, to look the person in the eye without appearing intimidating and to try not to move too much.
Stand face to face and close to each other, with nothing between you. It will help you create a more positive climate.
For example, sitting on the couch and making eye contact and using a calm tone can be much better than sitting against each other at the table. These small details add color to our communication and create a more positive climate.
Not walking like the cat around hot porridge is important when you are going to bring something up. The first step is to focus on being clear, knowing what you want to say and what your goal is in addressing this. Before you even start talking, it is very important that you know what you feel, what you want and what changes you want out of the situation so that it ceases to be a problem.
It is therefore best to say what you feel and think in a short and concise way. You do not have to repeat the same thing over and over again.
Choose words that are easy to understand. Explain things with examples that are as close to the present as possible. The past is important for understanding where we are and why we are here. But when it comes to addressing a topic, you need to focus on talking about what is happening and how you want the situation to change.
The sandwich technique is good when you want to correct the person but soften the emotional impact that can arise due to the criticism. It is therefore good that you learn it if you want to bring something up with your partner.
This means surrounding the central message with positive elements. You place them before and after in your communication.
For example: “I know you work long hours and I like it a lot because it shows that you are making an effort for the family. But I feel that you could help more with the home. And I’m sure we can find a way for you to do that. ”
The goal of this technique is to take advantage of the psychological effects, where what we remember most is how a message begins and how it ends.
So by mentioning the problem in the middle of the message while you start and end with something positive, you have a good formula for talking about the conflict in a positive way.
The words you use when addressing the subject are fundamental. So in order to positively address a topic, your words must have some flexibility. They must reflect a wish or a suggestion, not an ultimatum.
For example, you can use “you could” instead of “you must”. The other person will then be more inclined to listen with an open attitude.
You can start addressing the topic with words like “I would like”, “I need” or “it would have made me happy”. It’s much better than saying ‘I want’, ‘you should’ or ‘I need’.
The message is the same, but words have a magical effect. They can make the person accept and even promise a change that he or she would not otherwise have agreed to.
If you want to address a topic in a positive way, it must be done at the same time as you offer a solution. Explaining the problem and not proposing a solution is not a good idea. If you do not suggest a way to resolve the situation, you will not lead your partner anywhere.
Another important aspect is that the solution is a proposal and not a command. It’s about solving the problem, not getting the other person to do what you want.
Before you start, it is important to think of possible suggestions that you can put forward. It’s not about explaining what you think is the solution. For the solution to be fair and effective, both members of the relationship must agree.
It is instead about suggesting what you think you could do and finding out if the other person also believes this. Because it has something to do with the relationship itself. The responsibility for the solution is shared between both people.
Behind every complaint there is a wish. When you think, for example, “why do they not appreciate my efforts” or “they are always late, they do not take me seriously”. The desire behind these complaints is “I want them to appreciate my efforts more and inform me that they notice the things I do” and “I want you to be on time because it’s important to me.”
Turning complaints into wishes is a skill. We have to practice this, but it is not impossible. The first step is to push aside all the unpleasant feelings that give rise to the complaint. Then we can think about what we really want to ask for.
Secondly, it is very important to express what you want with positive language. This gives the other person space to act instead of being paralyzed. In other words, to positively address a topic in your relationship and explain what you want to happen now, without focusing on what irritates you (the complaint).
Do not demand a direct answer or a direct action. Let your partner think about what you have mentioned. If you do not demand an answer immediately when you bring it up, you will remove some of the press. And removing the pressure so that the person can make a decision is one of the best ways to turn the issue into a positive challenge, because you give him that freedom.
You let the person evaluate without pressure so that he can then respond after the “shock” has disappeared.
But be careful… the reflection needs to have an expiration date if it is to be useful. In other words, you must give the person a time limit. The time limit you give your partner will depend on each person’s personal schedule. It will depend on how urgent the conflict is. But it is not about taking an unlimited amount of time to think, because then the person will avoid the problem. Avoiding the problem will only make it worse.
If you think about these ideas the next time you bring up a topic with your partner, you will be able to do it in a positive way. It will then be much easier to learn from the conflict, get to know yourself better and strengthen the relationship.
