Love Hurts …
Love hurts in every possible way: if we have it, if we do not have it, if we lose it, if we find it…
When people fall in love, they are exposed to a mirage of illusions where their true SELF is reflected. Self-esteem is in someone else’s hands, your self-esteem becomes someone else’s property. Your self-image and your value become dependent on the other person. Your whole inner world is his.
This can work perfectly and mature to the point where a relationship full of friendship, love and intimacy is established. But to achieve this, we must find the right person, and when I say “right” I mean the right person to strengthen our true identity.
Relationships are based on giving and taking. In this way, everything I receive will be based on the other person first receiving the same thing from me. So we become mirrors that reflect each other: either the emptiness and the emptiness of one or the other’s entire universe.
Humans are naturally social beings. They have evolved and adapted to live in the company of others. Nevertheless, this company is safer if it involves a suitable number for the brain to handle: a small group of acquaintances. The perfect number is two, and you can move on from there by starting a family. For this reason, it is catastrophic for the brain not to have a partner or to have never had one. The brain expects its destruction and the risk of not passing on its genes to new generations. This can be so stressful that you fall into a deep depression. This is ironic because we will not find a partner that way either.
If, on the other hand , we have a partner, we want this person to bring out the best in us. However, we do not realize that he can only produce what we show of ourselves. This hurts us too. We want the person to be perfect, that everything should go well, that we should avoid all mistakes. But the truth is that what hurts us the most is to see the worst of ourselves in the person. The things we do not accept in our innermost selves or what we really want to be but do not have the courage to become. But the other person sees it, because he sees it in our reflection (remember that we are mirrors).
If we lose the love that made us so happy, it will of course hurt. It hurts to the point that we think we can die of love. We immediately need another mirror, but we panic at the thought of finding one we do not like. We are also used to the first, and we knew what we had. Our self-esteem depends on this mirror. Our self-image was the other person. Our confidence and security was knowing that he was there. But none of this is really true; it is an illusion that the mirror made us believe. It allowed us to fulfill ourselves and grow in a wonderful way. But in this moment of discovery and enlightenment, it hurts.
Love hurts when we find it, because we lose other reflections that we knew up to that point. We love our new mirror and begin to believe that we can not live without it, but it hurts us. It hurts our ego, it hurts our inner self and it hurts the whole world to lose the reflection of ourselves.
What is the solution? We must grow in such a way that we do not need another mirror. Our self-esteem must be strong and we must believe in ourselves, independent of any other reflection. Make sure that what we show the world outside is the best parts of ourselves, what we like best, what makes us proud of who we are. In this way, we will succeed in reflecting the most beautiful parts of our being on others. As a result, we will receive the same in return, but in even greater grandeur thanks to all the amazing qualities the other person possesses.
