Is It An Unconscious Decision To Choose A Partner?

There are few experiences in life that are as satisfying as being loved by your partner. On the other hand, a lack of care can cause a great deal of suffering. The absence of love can also give rise to many mental problems, and it is therefore important that you make the right choice when it is time to choose a partner.

At the beginning of the relationship, you can barely contain your feelings. Life has a special meaning and you have the motivation and confidence to face everything that life throws at you. But after a long time with the other person, conflicts arise and you then begin to become aware of the decisions you have made.

Choosing a partner can seem like a spontaneous process. But over time, you begin to question whether you were really aware of everything when you made the decision. No one wants to be wrong when it comes to choosing a partner because people are often disappointed when they think they have found the perfect partner.

The idealization of your partner

In most cases, when people choose a partner, they have a lot of idealized expectations that affect their well-being without them being aware of it. But people often overlook certain less romantic aspects, such as the differences between each other and the demands that arise due to the relationship and strategies for dealing with problems within the relationship.

Deep down, due to various unconscious mechanisms, you hope that the other person will satisfy your needs. You project your needs on him and expect him to solve your problems for you. Of course, everyone denies this, but they do.

We could have made a long list of what people are looking for in a partner. We want them to be responsible, hardworking, friendly, healthy, respectful, tolerant, kind-hearted and attractive. We could have continued with this list, but it is a good example of what we are talking about. The question then is why do we make the wrong decision when all this is so clear to us?

The mental context is important

It is important to keep in mind the surrounding context when making a decision. People who are less emotionally intelligent tend to exaggerate the value of the other person, which involves an emotional risk. This attitude comes from poorly channeled needs and an inability to tolerate loneliness, which means that the attempt to start a relationship with the other person fails from the beginning.

The process of choosing a partner originates in a series of unconscious emotions that come from the relationship we have had with our parents, especially during childhood, and also the relationship that exists between the parents. This determines our mental structure and its function for the rest of our lives.

Our whole lives are marked by these first bands. Parents who encourage their children to develop the ability to think and learn will raise more emotionally healthy children.

Children raised by parents who limit the search for knowledge, curiosity and creativity, establish affective bonds based on fear, lies, jealousy and hatred in adulthood. What kind of parents did you have? How was their relationship with each other? The answer to these questions can give you clues as to why you have chosen the partner you chose.

The impact of experience

It is worth pointing out that nowadays new forms of relationships and love are being developed. Trends, however, do not exist in the subconscious. In humans, the survival instinct comes first. It seeks and desires, produces life and contributes with the necessary conditions for creation and construction.

In life experience, the past always becomes the present when it has to do with the subconscious. In our experience, it has also reflected the fact that people establish bonds depending on the type of relationship they had with their parents.

These relationships are also affected by how intense the experience is and the type of instinct that dominates within each person.

This combination of factors will determine who you feel attracted to. The better you understand the relationships you had during your first years, the freer and healthier your current relationships will be.